she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize