Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
