Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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