I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
