great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
