half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
