I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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