census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
