Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
