My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
