You work out of a Hotel?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
