I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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