the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
