brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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