So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I cockslap morals
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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