im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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