so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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