This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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