just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
