Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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