I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
