Already got asked if we're dating
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
