your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
