someone owes me an orgasm
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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