I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
