Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
