I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
