3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize