can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
