Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
