Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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