she looked like the before picture.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
