Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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