Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
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the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
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he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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