you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
