I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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