I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
