His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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