I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.