i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
