Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
the raccoons are back...
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