I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
