We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
