just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
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Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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