Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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