please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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