we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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