real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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