I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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