Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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