ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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