Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
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Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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