just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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