hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
