i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
