She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
