Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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