well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
