he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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