Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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