yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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