this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
People in love make me want to vomit
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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