I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
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Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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